Annetta J Long
Hi Mom it's me again. I think about you all the time.💜 I miss you so much. You have always been here for me. All I had to do was pick up the phone or come in your room. I am so lost and feel so alone. It was so hard watching what you went through in the hospital. I blame the nursing home for your death. You would still be here if they did their job and kept you on the medicine you were supposed to be on. It is to late though. You are gone. You should of had more time. Things have been so hard since you been gone. Life will never be the same not having you here. I am trying to keep my faith that you are watching over us. I pray to God that is true. There is nobody on this Earth like you. I am so sorry for the fighting. I wasted all that time that could of been spent with you. I remember you always coming and staying with me for weeks at a time. We had a lot of good times. I know that you forgive me for all the crap I said to you, but am having trouble forgiving myself. The only other person in my life that I was as close to was Wayne. I always told both of you what was going on. It just came naturally. I wish you would of met someone to share your life with. There's sure a lot of guys that missed out of being with one special lady. I know you are watching over me, but right now it isn't the same. I don't know where to begin to grieve the loss of you. Who do I turn to? I need someone who is compassionate and loving like you were. People try to push me to hard and I don't work that way. It just pushes me further away. It makes me do the opposite. Yelling at someone doesn't help. I know you know exactly what I mean.
My heart aches all the time. I don't know where to begin. I just feel numb and frozen. I have nightmares of seeing what you went through in the hospital. I feel guilty, that I had a part in doing that. I wanted to let you go. I couldn't stand to see you suffer. I also could not stand seeing you not be able to breathe. If I did anything to hurt you in the hospital, can you please forgive me? I didn't want to see you go, but I didnt want to see you suffer. If you suffered through any of that, I am so sorry Mom. I would never do anything to hurt you. I wanted so bad to have my weight off and be off my meds so I could give you one of my Kidneys. As many times as you had been so close to death. For some reason I knew you weren't coming home this time. I don't understand everything you have had to go through health wise in your life. What amazes me is you always found a way to adapt to whatever it was. Thank you for giving your life to Me, Michelle and Doug. You were an amazing Mother. You tried to do whatever you could with what little resources you had.
We always got by somehow. You were amazing anytime any family or friends needed a place to stay, you always welcomed them. I am so sorry for all the hurt you went through in your life, but you always become stronger. I didn't realize how much we are alike in so many ways. The biggest thing is we both would wear our heart on our shoulders Even when we got hurt it didn't matter. We would always wonder what we did wrong. We did nothing wrong. I need to learn to be stronger. I ask that you please help me. The thing I can be most proud of is being so much like you. The only thing right now I just want to curl up in the corner and cry until I can cry no more. I love and miss you so much. I am glad you are out of pain now, but I still miss my Mom and my Best Friend. 😢
